This is easily the most derailing comment that I get, because it does three very harmful things.
First, it manipulates the situation. It makes me (the actual oppressed of race relations) look like the perpetrator. Instead of examining or asking me why I feel disdain toward white people, this statement takes a legitimate problem and makes it about the white person’s temporary feelings instead of a black person’s permanent pain. When you hear someone’s actual lived experience, piled with centuries of degradation and essentially tell them your feelings are more important, that is white supremacy.
Secondly, it invalidates my past experiences. In short, “not all white people are like that” is a rough translation to “you are crazy, you come across some of the bad ones and have the audacity to feel the way you do”, which would be a fair argument, if the entire world hasn’t been a product of white supremacy for the past several centuries. My distrust towards white people is a very necessary tool for survival. It comes from a lack of options. True allies don’t need automatic reassurance; they know they’ve entered a space where they have to prove themselves, because logic, history and lived experience tell us they’re the oppressor.
Lastly, it silences PoC and makes them feel even more isolated. When you tell me that I am not allowed to feel the way I do, while simultaneously stating that having safe spaces for Black People is isolating and doesn’t help race relations, all I’m hearing is “be quiet and stay oppressed, stay marginalized”.
Fine, all white people are not like that, but I reserve the right to be skeptical of every white person I come across, because factually, textually and historically, most white people have been like that. If you can’t deal with, then yes, you are just another white person like that. If it’s hard to accept that I, as a black woman, have experienced microaggression, marginalization and ridicule at the hands of your people, then you are just another white person like that, because you are enabling their actions by silencing me. If you are willing to stifle me while I discuss my pain and frustrations because it makes you uncomfortable, then you are the worst kind of white people who are like that.
Not having KKK burn houses or black people lynched or segregated into their own communities is progress, but it isn’t the end to all. Microaggressions are the new way or dehumanizing Black People, but since we can’t document or prove microaggression, they are laughed at and thrown on the backburner. Having a person tell me “you’re so pretty for a black girl” or “you sound so educated, I’m surprised” is not as urgent as having dogs released on you, so we’re supposed to be satisfied with the meager progression. What the majority of white people mean is “you have crumbs now; you won’t be starving anymore, so leave us alone, while we indulge ourselves in five course meals”.
How do you not see all of this as being harmful or counterproductive?
